The Weight of the World

***Disclaimer***

This post is pretty much a complete downer, so feel free to skip it if the sun's shining where you are.

***End disclaimer***

So I woke up this morning at about ten to twelve after hitting my snooze bar for a good fifty minutes, and just lay there for about fifteen minutes thinking. I was contemplating what seems to be the futility of my life as I currently know it. It feels like I'm trapped inside a rubber ball, or maybe a hamster ball, and no matter where I turn I find rubber/plastic and if I push on it I might roll around a bit, but ultimately I'm disconnected from the world around me. I just made that analogy up right now, so it might not hold if you examine it too closely, but whatever. Anyways, it just kind of struck me how, as of right now, I don't have a lot going on in my life. I work. And then I go home. And then I sleep. And then I get up and go back to work. And then I have days off. And then I go back to work. Routine is probably one of the slowest deaths possible, and I've only been back about three weeks!!!

I dunno, I thought I wanted to "do music", but when the music doesn't seem to be there, what can you do? I've been playing quite a bit more lately, which is good, but at the same time it's caused me to realize that whatever songs I wanted to play just aren't really there. I mean, they're there, kinda, but they're not, if you know what I mean. Uggh.

There is Bella to consider, but at this point I have absolutely no idea what's going on there. This mystery shall hopefully be resolved sometime next week when Tiff gets back from Spain, but will my questions be answered? I guess I just won't know until the time comes. I'll let you know if I figure anything out.

For the time being, however, I feel pretty... lost? Is that the right word? Bivouaced? No, that's definitely not the right word, but it's a good word. It was my word of the day one day during my grade twelve year, I think. If it's good enough for Rivers, it's good enough for me.

Anywho, at this point I figure the best thing I can do is keep on keepin' on and save as much money as I'm able. Chances are whatever's looming around the corner is going to cost money, so why not prepare for the inevitable.

Rainbows, lollilpops, butterflies, puppies, roses and daisies and so on and so forth. I just felt like I needed to throw that in there so that this post wasn't a complete bummer.

Sorry for complaining so much but sometimes you just need to let this stuff vent, you know?

Hopefully my next post will be triumphant in some form or another.

Peace.