Only the Good Die Young

Ok, first of all, as per the title of this entry - I'm going to die young. In fact, at this rate, I'll probably die next year (which really isn't all that far away). I decided this earlier today as I made myself a heaping load of crap on perogies. You know, fakin bits, processed bacon bits, cheese, etc. Yeah, I don't know when the last time I ate some fruit or veggies was. I don't drink that much, but I swear my liver is going to give out. It's a good thing Mom's not alive to see this!

Ok, and secondly, the meaning of life - what is it? I've been so stressed/freaked/weirded out this year. There have been far too many times when I've actually thought I was crazy. I'm really hoping that stops soon. Yeah, anyways, what's the meaning of life? Music makes me happy. I used to think it's what I was made to do. So, do I play music and hope that in the end it actually means something? That and procreate (you know, populate the earth and all that)? People need Jesus, right? Is it possible to be a Christian and have a normal life? All the Christians I know seem to. A while back Matt told me that I'm allowed to enjoy life. Geeze, that sounds mighty fine. So is all that guilt and condemnation purely in my head? I hope so. I think probably. The question is, how the heck do I get it out? I've been so scared of God lately because I just feel like I'm letting Him down so much and that He's waiting there with a beating stick and a bunch of demands that I don't think I can fulfill. I actually spent some time this afternoon repeating, out loud, "Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me". There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of Life has overcome the law of the spirit of sin and death. Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me.

Maybe I am crazy.

Oh yeah, Halloween was about as anti-climactic as it could possibly get this year. I sat around in my PJs all day playing video games and talking to myself whilst gorging on the most unhealthy food possible. I guess that is kind of scary in it's own way, though.