Only the Good Die Young

Ok, first of all, as per the title of this entry - I'm going to die young. In fact, at this rate, I'll probably die next year (which really isn't all that far away). I decided this earlier today as I made myself a heaping load of crap on perogies. You know, fakin bits, processed bacon bits, cheese, etc. Yeah, I don't know when the last time I ate some fruit or veggies was. I don't drink that much, but I swear my liver is going to give out. It's a good thing Mom's not alive to see this!

Ok, and secondly, the meaning of life - what is it? I've been so stressed/freaked/weirded out this year. There have been far too many times when I've actually thought I was crazy. I'm really hoping that stops soon. Yeah, anyways, what's the meaning of life? Music makes me happy. I used to think it's what I was made to do. So, do I play music and hope that in the end it actually means something? That and procreate (you know, populate the earth and all that)? People need Jesus, right? Is it possible to be a Christian and have a normal life? All the Christians I know seem to. A while back Matt told me that I'm allowed to enjoy life. Geeze, that sounds mighty fine. So is all that guilt and condemnation purely in my head? I hope so. I think probably. The question is, how the heck do I get it out? I've been so scared of God lately because I just feel like I'm letting Him down so much and that He's waiting there with a beating stick and a bunch of demands that I don't think I can fulfill. I actually spent some time this afternoon repeating, out loud, "Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me". There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of Life has overcome the law of the spirit of sin and death. Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me.

Maybe I am crazy.

Oh yeah, Halloween was about as anti-climactic as it could possibly get this year. I sat around in my PJs all day playing video games and talking to myself whilst gorging on the most unhealthy food possible. I guess that is kind of scary in it's own way, though.

Various

Well, I got my amp back yesterday, and it's a darn good thing. It's definitely much louder, and I'd almost venture to say that it sounds better (although this is after having only played it maybe ten minutes in our living room before the people upstairs called to tell me to stick to acoustic). I'm pretty stoked about getting this speaker cab. I thought it was going to be $400 (based on some extensive research, for which I have much time up here on this mountain), but upon verifying with Long & McQuade I found 0ut it's only $289, and to that I say "Sweet".

Speaking of being on the top of a mountain: despite the clouds (which are high enough so as not to impede the view), the visibility is extremely good today. I just ate supper while reading my new copy of "It" by Steven King, occasionally glancing up to see the tip of Point Gray glaring at me from it's wicked protrusion into the Pacific Ocean. And it made me realize where my heart is (not that I ever really forget it for very long throughout the course of any given day). Do you want to know where my heart is? Well I'll tell you anyway. My heart is at the University of British Columbia, being carried around in a bloody sack by an 18 year old girl. I sure hope she returns it, or that I can at least find some way to steal it back from her (would that be considered Indian giving?).

Shit.

Randomness

Yeah, so I literally do NOTHING at my job. Honestly, I don't do anything. This is what I do. I sit on the computer for 8 hours, or read a book for 8 hours, or stare blankly for interminable periods. Really, I can't say as I'm complaining, seeing as I'm getting paid for it, but, still, I can't help but think were I with the band at Bully's my days would be a lot more productive.

So... what's been going on lately. Well, Thanksgiving was fun. Matt and Amelia cooked a turkey and a bunch of us displaced Saskwatches (and their girlfriends) got together and we had a "family dinner" of sorts. Unfortunately Char couldn't make it because she was sick, and Tiff wasn't there because she's in Cali right now.

Other than that, well, I feel like I've finally gotten back on the horse (figuratively speaking, of course). For some reason I just got this incredible fit of inspiration with a new song I just started writing and ended up setting all my recording gear up in the living room and just having at it. It wasn't a hassle, a pain, or a nuisance, it was a really good experience. I really hope this keeps up.

I also just received an email from another Vancouver band that wants me to play guitar and keys for them. I said I'd be interested if it didn't conflict with Bella. Interesting, indeed. Anything to start making money elsewhere in order that I might start doing what I love for a living.

Mmm, yes, and I'm super excited about my amp. I ordered some parts off the Internet which are supposed to make it amazing, so I took it in last Saturday to get it set up by this electronic genius, Ho. If you remember the movie Gremlins, he reminded me of the guy that sold that dude's dad the mogwai. Anyways, after the mods I'm going from a 30W Amp to a 50W. I've been looking around for speaker cabs to put this thing through so as not to blow the speakers that are in there right now. Yeah, that probably all sounds pretty boring, and I'm skimming as it is, but I'm stoked.

Anywho, that's about it for right now, I guess. Oh yeah, I started playing in the worship band at the church I'm going to. Weird. It's like returning to this other world that I used to be a part of. Part of me is so tempted to just give in and conform to church culture, but that's just exactly what it is - culture. You don't need to listen to Shane & Shane or Matt Redman to be a Christian. Nor do you need to drink coffee or have picnics in the park, or wear funny ties or something. To conform is just to place my hope in that culture and cease thinking for myself - allow others to make decisions for me. Don't get me wrong, "church" definitely has it's place, and I don't mean to criticize. Hmm, what is the point I'm trying to make here? Well, I guess that I've felt a bit out of sorts with God lately, and so going to church I feel like maybe if I immersed myself in church culture I'd suddenly be the Christian I'm supposed to be, but like I say, no, I don't think that's the case. It's just a security blanket thing. I think I'm "good" because I'm acting "good", hanging around with "good" people. But does it really make any difference? Can't I be a Christian just as well if I'm playing a show at a club? Different culture, same Christ. Ruth Ann and I were talking about this after dinner on Monday, discussing how church should is more of a support thing. It's a, "Hey, we're not alone in this" thing. It really reminded me of that Bible study we had going in Grade Twelve. That was basically the point. Why fight it alone when you're surrounded by a bunch of other people that share similar beliefs. That's as close as I've ever gotten to real church, in my mind, and it was good.

Anywho, those are just the random thoughts/goings on in my life lately. It's been a while since I last wrote in here. More later, I assume?