A Light is Gonna Shine

Deep fried battered (as in there's crusty stuff all over them, not that they have been subject to domestic violence) green beans. Whodathunk? Yeah, I got up top for work this afternoon and immediately craved something salty to eat. I guess the two bowls of fruity cereal I had for brunch didn't quite cut it. Anyways, the cute girl over at the coffee bar recommended the deep fried green beans to me. Weird, yet strangely very good. And they hit that salty spot right where it needed to be hit. I'm not going to mention what it's doing to my stomach, however, other than to say that you should all be thankful you're not on the top of this mountain with my right now. Ha!

Anywho, I just made a fool of myself several times over in the span of about three minutes. Isn't that lovely? I had to run an umbrella over to the tram to have it sent down to the guy who forgot it up here, and succeeded in dropping it just as I passed in front of one of the coffee girls. That's really not that bad. Then I ended up backing into some guy and almost spilling his coffee as I laughed rather enthusiastically at something the trammie said. More embarassing. Then I noticed that the cute girl I was talking about in the previous paragraph was mucking about back here unattended, so I had to sprint back to make sure she didn't read any of what I just wrote. All in good fun, of course. Geeze. And I thought I didn't do anything at work.

Mmm, speaking of work, it's just amazing up here right now. There is SO MUCH SNOW, and I love it! It's nice too, because, unlike Saskatchewan, this snow is optional. I'd have to say I definitely prefer it to the deluge we've been having for the last several weeks down at the bottom, but at the end of the night I can still bid winter adieu and trek home to green, albeit wet, grass. This successfully maintains that "first snow" novelty that so quickly wears off when you have to live with it six months out of the year in Saskatchewan.

So, as per the subject of this post (derived from the song "Someday" by Embrace, which made it's way onto the Brit Rock mix I made for the tour), things seem to be looking up, or perhaps it's just me. A large part of it has to do with realizing I'm not alone. This realization has come to me through my conversation with Jesse on Sunday, as well as discovering and reading both Simon and Dana's blogs. There's definitely something to be said for the value of friendship, even if that friendship is only manifested in the knowledge that my friends are alive, well, and living their own lives.

I wish I knew how to explain this better. It has to do with not allowing myself to be so afraid anymore. That was one of the things Jesse and I talked about. So much of religion seems to be based in fear: if you're not a Christian you're going to hell, if you're not "witnessing" you're a bad Christian, etc. Jesse made the point, one which I noticed recently as well, that non-Christians don't seem to worry as much, or at least not about the same things. I suppose that's a fairly obvious statement. I mean, of course non-Christians worry, and probably worry more about things that Christians take somewhat for granted due to the security Christians feel in whatever relationship they have with God. But they're not walking around constantly feeling condemned because they don't measure up to whatever rules seem to govern their religion of choice. He used his sister as an example. Her concerns are for raising her two kids, her husband's about providing for his family. And then there's Jesse and I worrying that God is condemning us for some multitude of unnamed sins, trying desperately to find truth in the mental conditioning we received growing up. How much of Christianity as a religion does God really care about? How many of these rules really matter? How guilty should I feel? Isn't the premise of Christianity that Christ died for us because God loves us and knew we couldn't measure up on our own? Isn't it about people? Isn't that why Christ died? Not so He could make up a bunch of rules that if we didn't obey them we'd be a bad Christian, but because He loves us and wants to save us? Fuck these ridiculous rules (most of which I'm sure exist solely in my own head). I'm sick of feeling condemned. I'm going with grace (many thanks for the encouragement I received from the comments a couple of entries back). Who's with me? Let me know, cos I sure could use a church to belong to.

That brings me to another point. The church, from a Biblical perspective, is the body of Christ, am I right? The body is made up of members, the members being Christians, yes? Well, if so, I would definitely say that I feel much more strongly that the friends I've been talking about are the church I belong to than any congregation I've met in a building with a steeple. Remember those Bible studies we used to do at my house in grade twelve? That was church. We are the church.

Whoo. If anyone actually makes it through this entire post, I'm impressed and you really deserve a chocolate bar or something. Sorry, this just turned into some sort of work-in-progress stream-of-consciousness rant, but it's what's on my mind lately. Some of it, at any rate. And, of course, it didn't come out quite as I intended, but I'll quit while I'm ahead. Until next time...

Half a World Away

It's currently 6:30ish PM Monday night (my day off), and I'm sitting at my computer surrounded by the disaster that is my room (no wonder Matt shuts my door) listening to Kylie Minogue. I just had a Twix bar and Ginger Ale for supper. Could I be any more a hopeless bachelor?

Thankfully I do have something to show for myself today, however, namely a few loads of clean laundry, some experience playing guitar through my new cabinet (which is sexier than I can even describe) and this kicking mix I cooked up for our tour (I'm now listening to a Jamiroquai track - this ride's gon' be bumpin'!).

Had a pretty amazing time yesterday after finally hanging out with Jesse again after about three weeks of not seeing or hearing from him. He woke me up mid David Lynchian-dream at 11:30 in the morning wondering if he could invite himself to our practice that afternoon. He was just on his way to church at Willingdon, which is the massive church I was going to on occasion when we lived in Burnaby. I decided to pull my lazy carcass out of bed and threw some clothes on, jumped in the car and met him there (smelling none too nice, I don't suppose). The sermon was encouraging. It reminded me that I'm unique and have giftings particular to only myself. It also reassured me that when it all comes down to it it's about Christ and Christ crucified. I've felt so out of sorts with religion lately that it's nice to have a bottom line, and one that I believe in.

Anyways, we had practice, the first hour of which I was really excited for, I think partially due to the revelation I had about my "gifts" during the sermon. The rest of the practice was ok, although somewhere along the line my pride was bruised and my enthusiasm flagged a little. Man, what an interesting dynamic it is to be in a band, let alone a band with two very strong-willed women. Four way marriage is how I liken it. (May I point out that now I'm listening to Daft Punk - dang, this is a good mix!).

So after practice Matt, Jesse and I hung out in our living room drinking Ginger Ale and Jack Daniel's (props to Bono for that one), reminiscing about our Dalmeny days. I would definitely have to say that thus far in my short life, those were the most amazing parts of it. Upwards and onwards, let's hope.

Matt retired earlier than Jesse and I, so I drove Jesse home and we hung out in his room musing. Seriously, I am so thankful that I got to hang out with him. Thank God, honestly. I was out with Ruth Ann Saturday night, and she made an interesting point about the best friends being the ones that asked the same questions. That's exactly what Jesse and I were doing. I was actually astounded by how similar his "questions" are to my own. I thought I was alone in my crazy searching, but he nailed it on the head better than anyone else I've talked to lately. Questions about God, life, religion, etc. I also had some really good, geniune laughs with that guy.

Anyways, thank God for His good graces in providing me with such a friend. God is good. I don't know Him like I thought, but He's definitely good.

Yeah, so we're leaving for our tour on Saturday, the first stop being Kelowna. We're also playing a show at the Mesa Luna, an all ages club out here, on Wednesday. Should be fun, but dang if it hasn't been a long time since we last played for an audience. We're headlining, no less. Best not to think too much about it or I'll get the farts.

I'm really looking forward to going to Saskatchewan and seeing my friends and family. I'm also very excited about having Simon come back with us (oh God, please let it be so).

And so, to those of you who read this and dwell in the praries, I look forward to seeing you soon.