Monday, March 09, 2009

Condolences

This definitely isn't a dream. More like a nightmare to those involved, I'm sure, but I just spoke with Jesse and he told me that Dana's dad died. Man. I don't even know what to say about that, other than that I'm sorry for her family. It's a hard thing to lose a parent. And for as much as I don't really keep up with anyone back in Saskatchewan, this definitely came as a surprise (as I think it was for everyone). Man. My prayers are with them.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Giant Naked Cactus People

So I figure I need to get this dream I had last night down now before I forget anymore specifics than I already have.

The dream started with me sitting in Mr. Bartel's English class, although it may have been the classroom next to Mr. B's actual room, but whatever. At any rate, I can remember several high school classmates in the dream, including Erin Robb, Jamie Horban, Chandra Gerich, Simon, Matt and Brendan.

We had just been given some sort of essay assignment from Mr. Bartel, but I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to write my name at the top. I obviously had the name part right, but there was some other title I was supposed to put on there which I couldn't figure out, and I didn't know whether or not to put on the date, etc etc. In the end the class ended and I hadn't written anything. Turns out we had two classes to work on it, though, so I hoped I'd be ok. I'd just have to look at someone else's to see what the proper heading was supposed to be.

After this class we took off on some sort of field trip which took us out to a steel-girder train bridge, kind of like that old one next to the Borden bridge. I'm not entirely sure why we were checking this bridge out, but that's beside the point.

As we got up on the bridge I noticed that there were two cacti growing in the river below us, both of which were kind of leaning in one direction as though the wind had blown them that way. Other than that, they were fine cactus specimens, and bore the same shape as the logo from Taco Time, although in realistic cactus fashion.

I found it kind of odd that there were cacti growing in the river, but didn't think too much more of it until a little while later when everyone else seemed to have mysteriously disappeared and I turned to see that the cacti had grown ridiculously large so that they towered over the bridge and that they appeared to be dancing with each other in the river. Somehow one of the cacti turned into a giant naked woman (probably the best part of the dream) who was dancing with the other giant cactus, and actually kissing it, which looked really painful because she was essentially kissing a bunch of it's thorns, or spikes, or whatever you call those things. The giant naked lady continued to dance with and kiss the giant cactus, except that it then turned into a giant naked man (not as cool). They kind of had a sort of "Adam & Eve of the giant transforming cactus people" thing about them.

Once the dude appeared they seemed to notice me on the bridge and attempted to communicate with me. I don't know that we actually spoke any words, but moreso kind of pantomimed, as though we didn't speak each other's language (which we may not have, considering they were once cacti). At some point the guy disappeared and the lady, much to my chagrin, put on some clothes. The lady then picked up this little(giant to me) dog to show me her pet, and I had to cover my ears because it's bark was so loud.

After this I headed back to school, feeling like I'd made some special bond with the cactus people. I planned to return, but ended up telling Ana (my ex-boss at work here) about it, so she wanted to come. For some reason her mom found out too, so she decided she should come as well, which I wasn't as excited about.

Nevertheless, the three of us headed back out to this bridge to re-visit my new cactus friends, but as soon as Ana's mom saw them she freaked out and wanted to leave immediately. I think she was going to tell either the teachers at school, or the police, to have something done about them, and at this point I woke up.

I fell back asleep after that and had another dream where I was in Tokyo trying to figure out their subway system so that I could make it to the stadium to watch a hockey game, but the subway was really complicated and I couldn't read Japanese.

What does it all mean?

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Dreams - A Rough Sketch

Ok, so the night before last I had this long involved dream about essentially being Slash from Guns'n'Roses' guitar tech. They were having a concert in what was supposed to be Drumheller, and for some reason I was in charge of Slash's guitars, one of which was a yellow Les Paul. It was a big outdoor show and I remember standing backstage holding this guitar and thinking that I might have to play the intro to Sweet Child of Mine for some reason, and being worried that I wouldn't be able to do it. Thankfully Slash decided to play it himself, so all I had to do was give him the guitar.

There were two halves to the concert, the first of which was where they just played songs like a normal concert, but for the second half Axl was getting married onstage for a rock'n'roll wedding extravaganza (kind of like the video for November Rain)!!!

After this finished I was just trying to find my way back to Shawn's apartment, and encountered a handful of police officers that were bracing themselves for the rush of thousands of concert goers as they left the ampitheatre. It was obvious that they expected trouble, and that there was no way they'd be able to control the mob because there were so many of them and so few cops. The one or two cops I did speak to were kind enough to show me some sort of secret exit so that I wouldn't get trampled by the crowd, and that's where the dream ended.

----

The night before that I had a couple of dreams about my Mom. These always seem to follow either one of two formats: one, where my Mom is the innnocent and I'm so happy to see her, and Carol is the "bad" one, or the other kind, where Mom kind of appears out of nowhere and I'm left thinking, "Well now what? Dad's married to both Mom and Carol". These two dreams were of the latter variety, and Mom seemed especially nasty this time. We were at home in Dalmeny, and Carol was nowhere to be found, and I remember asking Dad about her and he got really upset and said something about how he used to be really happy until Mom came back.

The other dream involving Mom had us on vacation at a cabin at a lake in Saskatchewan, and Pastor Gary's family seemed to be vacationing with us. I was hanging out in their cabin watching hockey (surprise surprise) and Mom came to get me to leave, and I got really angry at her and started yelling at her to leave me alone. Again, she seemed quite mean and nasty.

----

Now I can't necessarily remember these dreams in sequence of when I had them, but here's a few random snippets of a few older ones:

I was in Billy Joel's backyard with a couple of girls and Billy, but he was in a wheelchair. I think he may have played piano a bit, but the most striking detail was that he grabbed onto a tree swing and did this sort of acrobatic manoeuver to swing himself out of his wheelchair and onto the piano bench. The girls were amazed.

----

I was an audience member on Jeopardy, but they'd run out of seats in the audience, so I had to stand up behind one of the contestant's podiums and watch from there. One of the contestants was this guy who seemed to be a returning champion, but his whole deal was just to make fun of Alex Trebek. The other contestant was some woman. Alex was acting especially odd, I think in reponse to the guy that was making fun of him, and at one point he came up to talk to the woman and she started threatening him and swearing at him. At this point I decided to lean in and say something to break the tension, which seemed to piss Alex off, and he pretty much ended the show then and there and kicked me out. I was walking down a hallway to leave the studio and someone opened a door and a tiger and a cobra came out and chased everybody back the other way.

----

I was in the male undershirt department at the Walmart that used to be at the Centre at Circle & 8th talking to Simon about his recent marriage. As we were talking I heard some sort of African tribal music and saw this African lady doing some sort of African dance over by the entrance. I decided to follow her out and ended up in the lobby of a bank. The music continued playing and suddenly Oprah Winfrey was there dancing the same dance as the African lady. Everything went black and I was being pulled out of the trunk of a car out on the top of a desert mountain in the Middle East somewhere. There seemed to be a number of other hostages and several terrorists, one of which appeared to be in charge. I was led over to the edge of the cliff to find Jesse standing there. He proceeded to stand behind me and hold my hands behind my back as the head terrorist fired golf balls at us. Jesse laughed that the terrorist was shooting them at him and that it would hurt if he was hit in the head, which seemed a bit silly seeing as he was using me as a human shield.

----

I was at home with Jesse, who was making fun of me for not being able to cook. I think he was making some sort of stir-fry himself, and he poured me a shot of soy sauce to drink as part of his ridiculing. I decided I'd prove him wrong and spent the rest of my dream looking for the perfect recipe for Chicken Cordon Bleu.

----

I flew to France with Sam and Tony and ended up going to Tony's parent's house, where he showed me his room. The house was situated in what seemed to be an industrial harbor, and Tony and I went and sat on one of the dock's outside. Tony wanted to dangle his feet in the water, but I could see that there were large fish with big teeth, as well as sharks circling us, and suggested against it.

----

That's all that I can seem to remember right now, but any random event during the day can seemingly remind me of a dream (for instance, I remembered the Billy Joel dream when we were at a show the other night and there was a guy there that looked vaguely like Billy Joel), so if I remember any more and have the desire and capacity to do so, I'll write it down.

Dreams - November 1st

I've been thinking for a while that since I don't normally write in here, and since I tend to have really bizarre dreams quite frequently and usually remember them, that I should start writing those down in here instead. I had a couple last night that are still relatively fresh in my mind, so I'll start with those, and then try a quick recap of the latest several that I can still remember.

Last night I dreamt that I was at a lake somewhere (I think it was supposed to be in Northern Saskatchewan, or at least around P.A.), and I wanted to go see my Grandma, who apparently lived at some sort of camp on the other side of the lake. The weird thing was that the lake was a bit like Venice, in that it went directly into the city in a canal-y sort of way.

Anyways, I ended up seeing someone I knew with a boat (I think it was Yvette, our publicist from Mint) and managed to convince her to take me to see my Grandma, although she was reluctant. She was running some sort of errands on the lake, so I had to wait while she did those, but at one of her stops I saw another person I knew, this girl named Marcia that I used to work with at HMV. Yvette and I weren't entirely sure how to get to Grandma's house, but Marcia knew, so she climbed aboard and we were on our way. The boat we were riding in was quite small and just had an outboard motor, and as we approached the other side of the lake we had to pass through thick boggy parts that were full of fallen logs, so I was worried that the motor might break. We managed to make our way through, though, and landed on the opposite shore, or ended up in what was more or less a gymnasium. I said my goodbyes to my pilot and guide and headed over to Grandma's house, which was on the grounds of what could have been a summer camp (which I seem to remember from a different dream).

Grandma wasn't at home (as she died a couple years back, although that doesn't always seem to matter in my dreams), but instead I ran into Kerry, the widow of my cousin who died when I was in college. I think she was there with here fiancee Wayne, but I can't be sure. For some reason she decided that we should all get tattoos, and there just happened to be a tattooist right there. I was a bit hesitant at first because I've always thought I'd be too wimpy to get one, but eventually acquiesced. I asked the tattooist for examples of what I could get and settled on a panther head to go on the left side of my stomach. For the remainder of my dream I would keep looking down at my tattoo and think what a stupid choice I'd made, especially since I've always thought that if I got a tattoo I'd get my clan crest on my inner forearm . At no point in the dream could I actually remember the tattooing process, though, and therefore didn't think it must have hurt all that much.

The rest of the dream consisted of me trying to find a way back to Dalmeny from this camp and discovering that the only bus that could take me from my current location would leave the next morning, which was troublesome because I wanted to leave that night. One may have left from Prince Albert, but that was too far away to walk to.

As far as I can remember, I think I woke up at this point, but when I fell back asleep I think I kind of resumed the dream, having made it to Dalmeny. I can't remember specifics about Dalmeny, only a few images, but I remember being in our garage with Jordan Buzinsky, but he was a little kid. There were a bunch of toys piled up in the garage and we were kind of playing with them. I think it was Dalmeny Days, but it seemed to be in winter, and there was another image of a bunch of cars lined up around Centennial Park, waiting to get in, and these little kids(one of which I believe was Doug Daum's boy) were playing around this semi that was idling there and their dad (Karen Dirks' husband, can't remember his name) was yelling at them frantically to get away so they didn't get run over.

This somehow turned into another boating episode with myself and two or three others in this rowboat in what seemed to be a flooded field, kind of like the one behind town by Aaron's house. I think it was me and three girls, one of which was Hailey Friesen. We rowboated to this little island of trees in the middle of the field, did something on the island and then got back into the boat. It kind of seemed like myself and one of girls were some sort of guides for the other two, younger girls (including Hailey). As we boated away I became apprehensive that we weren't going to make it because the girls were rocking the boat and it was taking on water. Eventually we managed to sink it, but thankfully the water wasn't very deep, so we didn't have to swim. We got back in the boat and continued on and I began noticing that we were pushing through ice and that the water was freezing cold (I should mention that our method or propulsion was grabbing sticks and shrubs in front of us to pull us forward, although this became increasingly difficult as there was less and less foliage in front of us to grab on to). The boat started sinking again, and again we had to get out, and I was amazed that the water wasn't as cold as I had expected, although when I looked down it appeared that I was standing on the ice, maybe ankle deep in the water. At this point I lifted Hailey and the other girl back into the boat, although for some reasong they'd become very small and could basically sit in the palm of my hand, so I had no problem holding them and the boat in one hand as I waited for the other guide to get back in.

And as far as I can recall, that's when I woke up. What does it all mean? You got me. But I'm kind of surprised by the random cast of characters involved now that I've written it all out. Weird. I'll do another post with a quickie on the last few from previous nights that I can still remember.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Living deliberately

...that's the idea. I want to start making an effort to live my life with purpose, whatever that might be. I want to ask more questions, such as, "What am I doing?" and "Why am I doing it?", or "Why do I behave or react a certain way?. I can kind of see it as being a sort of behavioral math in a way (I suppose some may call it psychology): I need to figure out the value of y, the cause, based on x, the reaction, or vice versa. The problem being, of course, that I've never been very good at math.

At any rate, I just want to start paying more attention to what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and whether it's worth doing in the first place, and if not, what I should be doing instead.

Easier said than done... easier said than done.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Been awhile awhile

Haven't posted on here in an age, and I'm currently enjoying being up later than I should be and surfing yonder Internet. Must be in that late night "creative juices" phase or something, which means if I bother to read this again during the day I'll regret having said any of this, which doesn't make it any less true. It's like Jekyll and Hyde or something. Also proud to report that I haven't imbibed any booze tonight (making me sound like a total alcky, but as Tiff said, sometimes it's nice to just hang out and not drink). Somehow drinking has become the national pastime for pretty much everyone I know my age, and don't get me wrong, I likes me some beer, but generally you'll get into a lot less trouble of various kinds without it. Guess that's why my prof at Briercrest made me memorize a verse that said something along those lines: "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit". Yeah, well, I've been "filled" with the "spirit", and too much of that can drive you crazier than if you had had too much wine, so I'll try to keep a healthy balance.

Yeah, so it seems this is going to be a stream-of-consciousness kind of post, and I'm cool with that. Let's see, what's been going on lately?

Well, Texas was rad. Met some really great people, had a lot of fun, smoked a lot of free cigarettes (which is currently proving to be the downfall of my resolve to quit), drank a lot of free booze, and saw a lot of free shows.

Going to Vegas in April, which is currently the matter of the hour, as I've got to get on that whole "booking flights and rooms" thing, which I'll do tomorrow. Looking forward to that. I've been playing online poker a little bit to brush up for when I go, and so far so good as I've placed in the top three in tournaments with a fair amount of regularity. Came out on top twice, as a matter of fact. A bunch of us are having a friendly cash game on Sunday afternoon as well, which is going to be sweet.

Have my first solo show coming up on Friday, which I'm quite looking forward to. I was thinking tonight that I should probably remember the date for future reference, seeing as it's kind of what I've been working up to since I started playing. I was trying to remember when exactly it was that I started playing/writing songs, and I figured, for the sake of making round numbers, that I was probably around 15 or so, so that means it's taken me 10 years to actually play a show of my own music by myself. Could be worse. Chris Martin was 25 when Parachutes came out (I'm pretty sure, anyway), so if you look at it that way, it bodes well for me. I've been practicing my set for the last couple of days, and I somehow managed to pull 11 originals out of my hat, with several to spare. It's amazing what you find sitting around when you're put to it. Anywho, we'll see where this goes, but thus far I'm very glad to be playing/recording/writing again. It feels like it's been a long, long time. I'm hoping to start on my next recording tomorrow, and I'm thinking I'll do a song tentatively called "For a Rainy Day", which I'll get Char to sing harmony on. Actually, I'm going to have her come up during that one for the set on Friday and do the very same thing. Sounds really good.

What else? Well, in music, I'm really looking forward to getting the new Foxglove Hunt record I just ordered from VBM. I have a feeling I'm going to be putting it on my Top 10 of 2008 list. I actually included the 2 song demo I got last year on my Top 10 of 2007, and judging from the little clips you can listen to on iTunes, I think the rest of the album will be just as good as those 2 songs.

I also want to get the new Counting Crows album when it comes out, and wouldn't mind checking out the new REM as well, which is supposed to be their return to "good music", considering the albums they've release since the drummer left have all been kind of lacking. Oh yeah, and the new Kylie Minogue, but the problem with her is that it really makes me want to dance, which isn't as much fun if I'm all by myself in my apartment. If and when I get married, there's going to be one kick-ass dance party afterwards. Think I'll change out of my kilt for it, though.

Speaking of getting married, I hung out with the girl of my dreams the other night, although unfortunately she was very literally the girl of my dreams, seeing as I met her in a dream. If she actually does exist and I do meet her, she's pretty cool (and apparently we're not related, according to what she told me, so that's a big relief). She was kind of a cross between the chick from Juno and one of the sisters in Eisley. Gives me something to shoot for, if nothing else.

I'm listening to the Travis album I got in Portland or San Francisco right now. It's decent, but "The Boy With No Name" topped my Top 10 from last year. If you haven't heard it just buy it. It's worth it.

Yeah, I've definitely stayed up too late and should probably hit it pretty quick. I've been trying to maintain something of a more normal sleep schedule since getting back from Texas, but it's kind of difficult being that as hard as I might try, I can't help but be a night person. Someday that'll work in my favor, in that I'll have my own place (God willing) and be able to make noise early into the morning and hopefully write some of the most brilliant music of my career. Speaking of which, part of the reason I'm still up is that I was checking out Ableton Live and these crazy controllers that Daft Punk used for their performance with Kanye West at the Grammys. I should really put out a techno/dance album at some point, seeing as I've dabbled in that sort of thing a tiny bit in the past and it really just writes itself, especially with all the crazy crap they have these days, such as the aforementioned software/hardware. At the same time I find that stuff really daunting, and just yearn to have somebody record me so I don't have to worry about anything except performing the songs. Who knows. Maybe I'll end up managing a McDonald's someday. Ok, forget I said that. I keep reminding myself of that "Don't worry about what you're going to eat or wear" verse these days. The wheels could have, and for all intents and purposes, should have fallen off the music bus at this point, so I think there's still a point to me pursuing it. I found another great verse the other day that really inspired me, which I think I will quote here:

"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you" 1 Peter 5:6-7.

If nothing else is evident from this post, I think it's obvious that I definitely don't have things figured out, but I feel positive that they're getting a lot better/clearer than they were, and I couldn't really ask for anything else. I guess (knock wood) things can only get so bad before they start getting better, and I really hope that I'm entering that stage and leaving the latter behind. Inevitably there will be hard times no matter what, but I do feel better equipped to handle them when they do come around again, and thank God for that. I've got a long way to go, but I think I've got more life to live, so the journey continues...

Thursday, January 03, 2008

God is in the wind and wide open spaces

I just had a moment. It's a little after 3:00 in the morning, which seems to be a part of my peak creative time, and I just went out for one last cigarette before I go to bed. I stuck my head out the garage door and looked at the sky above the backyard of the house I grew up in to see the beautiful prairie sky resplendent with stars. Stars the likes of which you could not even hope to glimpse when living in a city the size of Vancouver, such as I do.

I decided to have my smoke in the backyard, then, noticing that the temperature was nowhere near as cold as I'd expect it to be during one of the coldest months of a bitter Saskatchewan winter. In fact, there was even water on the floor of the garage that had melted off of the wheels of the car. Granted, it is marginally warmer in the garage, but only by the slightest margin.

At any rate, standing under that massive sky, looking at a spectacle I grew up with and knew and loved so well, yet seem to have forgotten nonetheless, I felt awe. I felt God. Sounds cheesy, I know, but I'm a prairie boy, and this is the sort of stuff that interfaces so much more succinctly with my soul than anything I could experience in a city full of lights and noise and concrete, hedged in on all sides by trees or mountains or water. I could feel the breeze, and it was light, and not cold. It was reassuring. So I said a quick, simple prayer, consisting of regret, thankfulness, and a plea for help. And just as the plea for help escaped my lips, literally as I spoke it, I saw a star fall briefly from heaven, a sight I've not seen in I don't even know how long. And that made me feel hope. And love. And God.

God is in the wind and wide open spaces.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I'm getting sick of wanting what I don't want, and getting what I can't have. I'm also finding that it's easier to cope when I'm drunk, but it's the drink that gets me into trouble in the first place. How 'bout that?